He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
