I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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