We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
