This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
