This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
