Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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