butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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