What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
