This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
