just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
