i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
