Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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