I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
