my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
