I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
