i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize