Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
