I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
