My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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