According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The best revenge is premature balding
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
