How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
