Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize