I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
