pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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