Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
