I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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