i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
