I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
