Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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