no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
