I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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