She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize