PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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