Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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