That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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