Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You pole danced in your parka.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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