Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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