he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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