he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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