Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
