His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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