Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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