His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
