my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
