you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
