Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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