i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
