I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
