I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
