is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
