sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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