Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
