Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Randomize
