This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
