Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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