So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
