hotel room ftw
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
