You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
