I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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