u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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