after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
