K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
