He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
