Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
