I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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