Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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