All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
