I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
