I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize