well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
3pm strippers are depressing
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
