That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Shame - the story of my life.
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