Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
