apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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