i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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