pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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