hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
