i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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