At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
