You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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