i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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