shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize