i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
