I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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