put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
