I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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