i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
