I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
