Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
