And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
