sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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