brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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