i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
