I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
