One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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