I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize