My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
