Im at strip club and am horny
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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