I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
