i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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