i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
