Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
