I wish I could teleport
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
