every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
