Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
