does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
they need to just BURY HIM!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
