I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The power of my boobs compel you
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
