My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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